March 10 - Is it ok to marry someone who has been divorced?

You’re listening to OKY. The place where we discuss what we believe and why we believe it to be true! Today I want to answer a question from a friend, who asks, “Is it ok to marry someone who has been divorced?” 

 

This is a great question that has divided a lot of people. So I will do my best to answer why it is such a big question, why it matters, and what we can do about it today. But just to let you know, by the end of this, I will not give you permission to believe one way or the other. That is for you to wrestle with and try to understand. 

 

But first, let me remind you why marriage is so sacred to the Lord. 

 

Marriage is a contractural agreement between two people and God. If you listened last week to our sex conversations, it is through the union of two people that we experience unity in diversity, the purest intimacy possible, and companionship. All of these are meant to demonstrate the unity, intimacy, and companionship of the Lord. So God chose marriage as a symbol of what it looks like to be committed to someone in a lifelong relationship that works things out in order to build a healthy union. 

 

The Bible often refers to marriage as representing Christ’s love for the church. 

 

Paul instructs the men in Ephesus to love their wives as Christ loves the church. Listen to Ephesians 5:25-30

 

For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemishes. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. And we are members of this body. 

 

See the comparison there. Paul is helping us understand that a husband and wife are symbolic for the relationship that Jesus has for the church. So this is held in high standards, because the love of Jesus for the Church is in high standards. 

 

So that must mean divorce is a sin, right? 

 

Well, I do think it goes against God’s best design. Again, he designed marriage to show his devoted relationship toward his people. It is a symbol of God’s love. And it is considered by God to be a contract. It is the joining of two people together as one. Listen to what Jesus said in Matthew 19:3-9

 

Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife of many and every reason?”

 

“Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” 

 

When it says that last part, What God has joined together. . This isn’t just talking about God’s approval at a wedding. This is talking about God’s design. Did you know that when two people have sex, they exchange DNA with each other and literally mix their chemistry together. They become one in more than symbology. And the endorphins that are released while being together, imprint images and lasting connections with each other that can’t easily be broken. This is the design of God. So he longs for marriage to be a lasting thing that doesn’t get ripped apart. 

 

But what is Jesus talking about when he says that Moses permitted divorce? 

 

Well go back to Deuteronomy 24:1-4

 

If a man marries a woman who becomes displeasing to him because he finds something indecent about her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and send her from his house, and if after she leaves his house she becomes a wife of another man, and her second husband dislikes her and writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and send her from his house, or if he dies, then her first husband, who divorced her, is not allowed to marry her again after she has been defiled. That would be detestable in the eyes of the LORD. Do not bring sin upon the land the LORD your God is giving you as an inheritance. 

 

Well now consider this verse. Moses allowed for divorce for various reason, and even ended this section by making sure they were free from brining sin upon the land. So he let them divorce if the man found something wrong with the woman, but wouldn’t let him remarry her if she married another man in that time. 

 

So there are some inconsistencies even in the old testament law, that permitted divorce at certain times, yet did not allow it at others. . 

 

So let me do my best to give the best answer I can give. 

 

It is certainly not God’s desire and plan for someone to divorce. His desire is that two people would be covenantally united as one before him. This is his plan for our lives. 

 

The unfortunate part of God’s plan for our lives, is that it often involves other people. And the problem with that is - we can’t control other people’s actions and lives. So while I might marry someone, and believe it is what God has for me as his plan for my life. But if that person doesn’t also seek out God’s plan and believe in his plan for marriage, the marriage might end due to their lack of understanding God’s plan. 

 

At that point, does he condemn both people because one of them chose to ignore his plan? 

 

When I study the scriptures, here is what I see around the topic of divorce. It is the most real object lesson of what it feels like to the LORD when we commit adultery with other gods. When we allow ourselves to be attached to things that aren’t part of God’s plan, we become adulterous and it is like a divorce that breaks God’s heart. 

 

Listen to Jeremiah 3:1

 

If a man divorces his wife and she leaves him and marries another man, should he return to her again? Would not the land be completely defiled? But you have lived as a prostitute with many lovers-would you know return to me? Declares the LORD.

 

Jeremiah is again showing the symbolism. Yet even in the symbolism, there is a hint of the grace God has to still forgive and accept his people back to him. He will not cast them away because of their adultery. I mean, that’s the whole book of Hosea. If you haven’t read it, then I suggest you go and give it some time. It portrays Israel through Hosea’s wife Gomer who is a promiscuous woman. Hosea continually goes and retrieves her from other men’s beds. And God is saying this is how he is toward Israel. 

 

So I think the problem that God has with divorce, is that it displays the brokenness that he feels when his people turn their back on him. Marriage is meant to symbolize the commitment that God has for his people. 

 

At the end of the day, God is gracious and loving. He is full of justice as well. 

 

So divorce shouldn’t be taken lightly. It’s not God’s plan. Yet it’s not his plan for a person to be cast away from redemption either. So navigate the conversation with prayer. Find wise counsel. And seek the Lord no matter what. 

 

I think there is enough evidence to say that a divorce that resulted from an unfaithful spouse, leaves plenty of room for redemption with that person and another. But I would even say that God’s love is extended to those who did not want divorce, yet circumstance lead that way. Their life isn’t permanently broken. That’s the message of the gospel. So pray, seek counsel, and decide what you believe God is saying about that situation. Each situation is unique, and comes with a set of circumstances that have to be navigated through the grace of God, with the righteousness of God in mind. 

 

In short, God does not like divorce, because it demonstrates the pain he feels when we walk away from him. And he loves marriage, because it demonstrates the commitment he has for us and longs to have from us as well. But even more, be sure to seek the Lord’s approval before you ever marry! Build a relationship with Christ at the center. And as you do, he will help you build a marriage that never has to worry about divorce. This will represent the marriage God seeks between Jesus, and the church. . . Hows that for a non-answer?